Conversations I've had (or overheard) with my son this past week:

*while he was on the potty*
a: I have a penis
me: Yes you do.
a: Like mommy's penis.
me: Uh, mommy doesn't have a penis. Only boys have penises.
a: Like grandma?

I tucked my son in bed then a few minutes later I heard him whispering to himself. I went and stood outside his door to listen and I heard him saying "boobies" and giggling to himself.

*Pointing at a bruise on an apple*
a: Mommy, it's a pimple.
me: No, that's not a pimple.
a: It's a pimple!
me: How do you know what a pimple is?
a: *Points to my face* Pimple there!

Myths about (young) single mothers:

We're all broke - I have a great job, thank you very much.

We're all looking for someone to be our kid's father - I hate this one. My son has a great dad and I'm not looking to attempt to replace him.

Single parent families are broken homes - This couldn't be further from the truth. Between my family and my ex's, there's just too much love for anything to be broken.

We're all on welfare - Well, if you have to be on welfare in this fucking economy where 11% of houses are empty (thanks a lot, housing crash) then more power to you. Thankfully, this isn't true for my family.

We're super easy or reeeeally prude - We are however we were going to be before we became mommies.

We're super moms - This is entirely true; believe every word of it.

Now go kiss your mother.

My best friend is having a baby in June and I was surfing the internet to find something unique to get her. When I was pregnant everyone just got me a bunch of blue shit, so I wanted to get her something better than more pink shit. (Obviously, she's having a girl) Well I made the mistake of googling for such a present and I came upon this website that lists bizarre baby toys and accessories.

For example, your little bundle of joy can be put into a "baby cage"

Or if you're into the whole vampire fad, you can have a baby vampire with the help of this pacifier

Check out the rest: here

So I was taking a walk down memory lane today looking at pictures of my son over the past two years. Now I feel thoroughly depressed at how quickly he's growing. Come, get depressed with me, wont you?

So last week we went to Chuck E Cheese for my son's cousin's 3rd birthday party.  I haven't been there in a loooong time (since my 5th birthday) but I didn't remember that they had those giant, creepy mechanical animals. They're down in the "private party area" and our table was front and center. None of the kids could have fun once those things turned on. My son ate his pizza with one eye on the mechanical Chuck E, like he was going to hop off the stage, jump on our table, and start kicking us all in the face with his metal boots. Well, maybe it was just me thinking that. It was truly creepy.

Beyond that, Chuck E Cheese smells like ASS. I don't know if it's the hundreds of stinky little feet running around or the gross cheese they put on the pizza, or the fact that the ball pit is probably infested with 10 years of leaky diapers and vomit...

Note to self, never go back to Chuck E Cheese.

You clean it up, mommy!

This is my son's favorite phrase these days. *splash* *crash* *boom* followed by "You clean it up, mommy!"

This is what I woke up to the other day:

He woke up, hopped the baby gate in his doorway (which I didn't know he could even do), went into the bathroom, got Daddy's shaving cream, and had a party. The first thing he said to me? "Made a mess! You clean it up, mommy!"