Sunday, March 27, 2011


I know it's been awhile since I've been here, but I'd like to take a moment to talk about bitches. They're fucking everywhere. I used to think that (and this was admittedly misguided) that once you grew up and had kids, you stopped the high school type bitchness. Untrue! Once you become a mom you're exposed to a whole new world; one that is absolutely riddled with mom bitchness.

The new level of frustration you reach as a mom is unlike anything you've ever experienced. I wholly understand the need to let that shit go. Take a bubble bath, go shopping, smoke a cig, get a sitter and go to the bar, eat some ice cream, punch a pillow, kick the dog (juuust kidding). Some bitches, oh some bitches, are unprovoked, self-hating, high school mentality, grade a bitches.

Let me explain.

I take my son to Gymboree. For those of you who don't know what that is, Gymboree is two things. It's a clothing store for kids, and a gym where they have play, music, and art classes for babies and toddlers. It's ridiculously overpriced (my mom guilt made me do it). It is also full of bitches. I'm a young mom, (no shit, huh?) 24 to be exact. I look 20, maybe 21. My son is nearly 3. In 30 something snobby bitch mom minds, I was a teen mom. Something to be despised in the Gymboree mom crew. Oh, and I have a tattoo that's visible when I wear certain types of shirts. Not only did these women whisper (very loudly) about how young I look and how disappointing it is when teenagers have babies and become the debacle that Teen Mom is, but then approached me (in a pack) and began firing criticisms and questions. When I revealed my age, a collective sigh of relief escaped the group. One said "Oh, thank God, I thought you were only 18."  I was trying to rise above, I really, really was. It wasn't until one of them started talking about a study she read in which children born to younger moms don't develop as quickly as others and have I noticed anything like that with my son as he seemed to have a little trouble climbing up that one thing and WHAM! I drop kicked the bitch. Ok, I didn't. But I did tell her about a study that I read about in which children who have judgmental bitches for mothers tend to grow up and be judgmental bitches and also I noticed that little Keegan (what a stupid name) pushed down a black boy so perhaps he has racist tendencies or is exploring his homosexual feelings. Shrug.